Obviously, the ability to doubt ourselves can be a good thing. What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy self-doubt? Healthy self-doubt vs unhealthy self-doubt Because the children learn that they can get immediate relief from anxiety by asking their parents for reassurance, they never learn to manage their own anxiety and make decisions in the face of uncertainty.īefore we move on to looking at the different types of self-doubt, it’s important to clarify an important question: When taken to an extreme, this cycle creates a savior complex in parents and unhealthy dependence in children. As a result, these adults often praise and reward their children with attention whenever the children go to them for reassurance. Many children, unfortunately, are raised by emotionally immature adults who don’t have healthy ways of feeling good about themselves. What’s more, they often develop a fear that without their constant self-criticism and harshness, they’ll become “lazy and soft” and won’t be able to achieve anymore. Like the stereotypical drill sergeant hurling insults at his new recruits-because apparently that will “make men out of them”-children learn to be overly critical of themselves as a motivation strategy. From a young age, many children learn that the best way to motivate yourself is to “get tough” with yourself.
It’s often said that we tend to repeat the same mistakes as our parents. While it’s important to acknowledge that many, many things can both cause and maintain the habit of self-doubt, there are three causes that show up over and over again in my work as a therapist:
That said, there are a few common causes of self-doubt that I see frequently in my work as a psychologist: 3 Common Causes of Self-doubt Perhaps bullying as a child caused your habit of self-doubt initially, but as an adult, your mental habit of asking other people for reassurance is what’s maintaining it. What’s more, the factors that caused your self-doubt in the first place are not always the same ones that are maintaining it now. On the other hand, self-doubt can become an issue later in adulthood, in response to an unexpected crisis or stressor like divorce or job loss. And in fact, no two people’s struggles with self-doubt are exactly the same.įor example, for one person, self-doubt may have originated in childhood, perhaps as a result of the way they were raised. Like all habits, self-doubt can come from a wide variety of sources.
CRINGE DEEP IN THOUGHT TRAIN FREE
10 ways to free yourself from self-doubt for good.Signs that you struggle with self-doubt.
CRINGE DEEP IN THOUGHT TRAIN HOW TO
In this guide, I’m going to walk you through how to understand what self-doubt is, where it comes from, and then give you some practical tools for overcoming it.įeel free to jump straight to a section of the guide you’re most interested in:
You feel a quick sense of relief, but over the course of the next few weeks and months, you’re mostly disappointed in yourself and ashamed that you weren’t brave enough to go for it.Īs a psychologist and therapist, I help people work through issues of self-doubt to become more confident and self-assured. So, later that evening, you send another email retracting the first. What if I bomb the interview? Then my boss and all the managers are going to know how insecure I am….It’s a lot more work and I don’t do very well under pressure….I’m probably not as qualified as John from marketing….But almost immediately after sending the email, your mind is flooded with doubts and insecurities: You quickly send an email to your manager letting them know that you’d like to apply. Self-doubt is the mental habit of questioning your own judgment or worth.įor example: Suppose a new position opened up at work that you’d had your eye on for a while.
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